He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
