How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
