i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
