Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize