Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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