She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
