My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Randomize
