yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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