I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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