Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
