Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
