smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
