so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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