I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
