The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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