He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
