I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
