she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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