you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize