masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
PANTIES FOUND
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