do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
