So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Text me some of your sweat
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