I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
