If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
