youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize