Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
