I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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