Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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