Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
