It's like God shit irony all over that family
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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