Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
