Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
