Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
