and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize