Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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