i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
