In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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