If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
