One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
