even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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