There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
