So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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