she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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