She said her name was "party"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
