i will never coherently bang her
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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