Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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