I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize