remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
