I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize