cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Every concussion has its silver lining
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
