just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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