WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
