I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize