Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
