You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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