I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
