i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
