and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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