Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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