told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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