I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize