I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
