last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
