matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
