My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
