I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
