I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
cat food counts as protein by the way
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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