i think my tv is drunk
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
