Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
