She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
