dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
