grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
