I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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